1) The more attractive the
woman, the more likely she will be approached by the kind of man who approaches
attractive women. This kind of man views hunting, seducing and conquering women
as sport.
2) To a hunter, a woman’s body
is a commodity; he wins the game by getting her into bed. To a nice guy, a
woman’s body is a sacred treasure; he wins her heart by honoring who she is as
a person.
3) Hunters view women as
nothing more than prey. By definition, nice guys are missing the “seducer”
gene; even if they knew how to “play the game,” their conscience would never
allow them to sweet-talk and manipulate a woman for their own selfish
interests.
I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep
with men so they can talk to them.
4) Seducers are more likely to
suffer from the disorder known as IAAMATT (It’s All About Me All The Time).
Nice guys are more likely to be empathetic, nurturing and other-centered.
5) A woman turns to makeup
and fashion to boost her self-esteem and make herself more desirable to men.
Yet ironically, the more beautiful she makes herself, the better her chances of
attracting the wrong type of guy.
6) The more attractive the
woman, the less likely she will be approached by the kind of man who is good in
relationships. Conversely, the less attractive the man, the less likely he will
approach a woman who is far more attractive than he is. That said, are there
nice guys who are attractive enough and/or courageous enough to ask out a
beautiful woman? Certainly. But they are a rare breed.
7) The kind of man who
values emotional intimacy often looks at a beautiful woman and thinks, “She’s
out of my league.” That is the overwhelming reason why so many women are
wondering why nobody (or at least nobody worth going out with) ever asks them
out. Essentially, seducers view a woman’s beauty as an invitation; nice guys
view it as a deterrent.
8) When a beautiful woman
gets fed up that only hunters are approaching her and decides to turn the
tables by approaching a nice guy, she may be turned off by the reception she
gets. In her mind, she’s just striking up a normal conversation. It doesn’t
occur to her that she’s catching him off guard, and that even though he’s
trying to listen to her, her words aren’t registering because his head is
spinning from the fact that a beautiful woman is unexpectedly talking to him.
The experience can be so foreign and disorienting that he comes across as a
stammering fool. Patience here can pay off, for nice guys often have good
relationship potential once the initial shock wears off.
9) Since beautiful women are
only approached by hunters, they understandably think that most, if not all,
men treat women the way that hunters do. Meanwhile, the nice guys sit in the
back of the room and admire her from afar. Of course, identifying the nice guys
isn’t that simple; a man may be quiet and reserved, but just because he doesn’t
act like a seducer doesn’t mean he doesn’t aspire to be one. The wolf in
sheep’s clothing is just one more obstacle on the path to finding Mr. Right.
10) When a beautiful woman
repeatedly experiences the same pattern with one hunter after another, she
understandably expects that pattern to continue. Frustrated, she may close
herself off emotionally to
all men, eliminating any chance a nice guy
may have of connecting with her in a meaningful way. In this way, her fear of
never finding the right guy can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
11) If a woman wants to be
swept off her feet by a man who would also make a good lifetime partner, she is
apt to be disappointed. The kind of charmers who are sweep-her-off-her-feeters
are often the polar opposite of the kind of men who are good in relationships.
12) A nice guy is primarily
relationship-oriented; he may first be attracted to a woman’s external beauty,
but it is her internal beauty he values most highly. A hunter is exclusively
achievement-oriented; he does not value what a woman thinks, says or feels; all
that matters is that she has a woman’s body and he wants to get his hands on
it.
13) Beautiful women often
confine nice guys to the Friend Zone. A nice guy’s worst nightmare is hearing
those nine soul-crushing words, “But I think of you as just a friend.” Many
happy couples have built relationships on the bedrock of solid friendship, so
perhaps it may be wise to rethink what makes good partner material and be open
to finding it from unexpected sources. Which brings up the question: Can men
and women truly be friends? Yes, but only if neither of them has any romantic
interest in the other. If even one of them is harboring hopes of romance, the
friendship will reach critical mass sooner rather than later, at which point
the friendship must either dissolve or transition into a relationship.
14) If and when a hunter
decides to “retire” from hunting and get married, he chooses a woman he can
possess for her beauty, not one he can build an emotionally intimate
partnership with. What so many admiring men and envious women fail to see is
that, throughout a woman’s entire life, her beauty can be as much a curse as it
is a blessing.
15) Women who are less
attractive to the type of men who only pursue attractive women are more likely
to have higher-quality interactions with men. Why? Nice guys are often more
comfortable asking out and authentically communicating with women who they feel
are more likely to agree to go out with them.
The 15 reasons above are daunting enough but
they’re based on beauty alone. What if the beautiful woman in question is also
brilliant and a successful high achiever? Yep, timid nice guys would view her
as even more intimidating and unapproachable. Ah, but in Mr. Right’s eyes,
those qualities would make her even more perfectly beautiful. Paging Mr. Right
. . . Paging Mr. Right . . .
THE FOUR-WORD SOLUTION
The solution to this dating dilemma is obvious. As a female reader so
succinctly commented: “Man up, nice guys!” What she’s insinuating is that if a
guy isn’t man enough to ask a woman out, he probably isn’t quality relationship
material anyway. That’s not always the case, although a guy who’s intimidated
by a woman’s beauty is likely to put her on a pedestal if by some chance they
did start dating. Excessive doting might sound like a problem many women would
be willing to endure but life on a pedestal can get old very quickly. A mature
woman wants a partner who treats her as an equal; she will settle for nothing
less than being authentically loved, not mindlessly worshipped. In short, a
woman cures a man’s addiction to doting by acting as the anti-dote.
Demanding that nice guys man up is obvious, yes, but a tall order. In order
to approach a beautiful woman, a man needs to have healthy self-esteem. The
greater his autonomy, self-knowledge, and self-confidence, the greater the
likelihood he will feel worthy of being with an attractive woman. In short, a
nice guy has to stop dreaming and start getting after it by doing the inner
work that so many guys are reluctant to do.
Ultimately, of course, to make a relationship
work, both the man and the woman have to see and appreciate the inner beauty of
each other’s souls as well as their own. When that day comes, external beauty
will be little more than an afterthought.
